I heard that word a lot, especially during my growth spurt when I was 13 years old that saw me shoot up from about 5’4 to 6-foot and beyond. I think it’s just a tactful way of saying “you’re clumsy”, particularly because it’s most often used when someone’s body has changed to the point of being foreign to its possessor. The statement really makes my head feel a lot better when I discover through experience that I should duck when I go down the stairs, or that there isn’t enough clearance underneath the door of the cupboard above the refridgerator for me slip through. There used to be, so why not now? Yeah, I grew almost a foot, but it should be the same as always, right?
Nope, I just have to face it. At 14, I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I had no idea where my body actually was in space, let alone in relation to other objects. I was uncoordinated or at the very least, had a lack of coordination that made me clumsy. It has been a long time since I became more comfortable, more coordinated, even deft, but high objects still invade my headspace and remind me of those tough weeks I spent relearning where my head was in relation to everything else.
To prove myself to be a nerd, I looked up the word “lanky” in the dictionary (As if I was going to find it somewhere else). It has two meanings and when people say I’m lanky now, I anticipate that they mean merely that I’m tall and slender and not that I’m a blundering fool of a clutz.
I can find other ways in which I am lanky, not just my height and body build. I am mentally and socially lanky as well, in the sense that I’m uncomfortable oftentimes, or even feel foreign, particularly this past semeter, which sneaked up on me, if that’s even possible. I limped through the entire semester uncoordinated, not used to the routine that was forced upon me. Normal life became abnormal and that abnormalty has never become familiar to me. Lankiness usually comes right after a growth spurt, but I struggle to see where I’ve grown. It’s just change.
So I haven’t gotten used to my surroundings, my schedule, my time constraints, yet the semester is a week from being over. My life will take a very different turn after finals, which will probably just continue the feeling I have now of unfamiliarity and a total lack of coordination. By the same token, I’m not sure I want to become comfortable with how my life is playing out right now, to make my circumstances feel normal again. Am I just being nostalgic or is something actually wrong here? In any case, don’t let my deft movements and efficient work fool you. I’m still lanky.
“…Be strong, therefore, and prove yourself a man.” 1 Kings 2:2b