Being a thinker-strategist, most of my conversations resemble a fencing match. The words and the phrases they are used in is the sword weilded in my hand. The goal is always playful banter but the sword-edges can still be sharp. The responses I do or don’t receive determine whether my blade met steel or flesh, resulting in unintended wounds. If the response is favorable, I continue with another playful thrust, usually predetermined but altered as the situation demands. It should be noted that if I didn’t have a conversation planned out to some extent, it would never take place. Someone once said that a good plan is one that can be altered. When the response is silence, however, the only explanation I can find is that my sword wounded, when all I wanted was a friendly sparring match, engaging in serious dialogue. This causes me to rethink my strategy and pull back to fulfill an obligation I feel I have acrued. When there is no felt obligation or direction as to how to proceed, it becomes the person’s responsibilty to make me aware of it. Yet, silence is decidedly not helpful in this, but often the only response I am to expect. Is it somehow on my shoulders to break this deafening silence with thought, caught between an uncomfortable quiet and an unconscious urge to rectify something I’m ignorant of? Something of my integrity is percieved damaged in one’s eyes. Does not my character and my God demand I guard my reputation with honor? The Bible talks about guarding one’s good name, for one’s reputation reflects the God one serves. So then, how has my integrity been compromised?
JA Menter 3
Shaky knees after running are by design. (Explanation will be forthcoming)