I have done a lot of nothings since my last post, not because I wanted to do nothing or I had nothing to do, but because nothing had a lot to do with me. I have written that and now don’t know what I mean; I guess that tells you I have nothing in my brain. I really should give you all what you want, a narative of my past week.
The week started out alright. I don’t remember what happened on Saturday, not for any questionable reasons, so it must have been good. Sunday, everyone left to tube the Niobrara or go on the youth trip. To be honest, I was incredibly depressed. It’s weird how much you miss interactions with people, even when interaction on an acquaintance level is difficult for you. I found myself wishing I had the foreknowledge to take a few days off work so I could go tubing, but realizing quite early that, in God’s sovereignty, He knew I needed to stay behind. This depressing overtone clouded the entire day when restlessness, in the sense that you feel like you could never be at rest, and boredom mingled strangely with a desire to do something, if only to take my thoughts away from being by myself.
In that state, nothing (there’s that word again) seemed able to throw me out of it. I tried to walk but all I could think of was what I could do now that it was just me. Running was out of the question, still recovering from 13+ miles of sweat pouring from me at every step. I ended up running errands and picking up some war movies like “Gladiator” and “The Great Raid”. Dan and Deb called me up wanting to watch a movie and we watched “Sentinel”, The jury is still deliberating about that one.
Monday was like any other monday, except that there was no one to text about random silly things, because they were all “off the grid”. I worked my eight hours and bought a new tire rim for my bicycle. After glancing fleetingly at the refridgerator, I sped off to church to scrape cracks in drywall, before returning an hour later to make hashbrowns and meat burritos and watch “Gladiator”.
Tuesday was another monday, though not in the sense of my other post, but rather most of the things I did on monday, I also did on Tuesday. I mudded, both at work and church, put the new rim on my bike, and watched “The Great Raid”, or part of it. I almost fell asleep because I started the movie around 11 o’clock and was already exhausted from working.
Wednesday, more the same. Nothing (That word again) really to distinguish it from any other day this week. I biked to work, perhaps a week after the initial flat tire made me use a motor, sanded and primed the mud at church for 2 hours in the middle of a meeting and raced home to gas up the car before the vacationers returned. I finished watching “The Great Raid”
Today, I finished all the projects I’d been doing at work and was given more, of course. I’ve been so tired that I seem to be just going through the motions when I know that I should be living out Colosians 3:17. Pray for me that I would take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. (2 Cor 10:5)
“I can’t truly be myself until I am truly selfless.”