I’m back…but am I?

After a long absense, all I can say is that I am dying. This death is physical but not medical. I am dying to my desires, dying to my interests, dying to my fears, dying to myself. While it hurts in some ways, it is a necessary thing if I am to be selfless. I must die! It is hard, because it is the one thing that holds me back from truly fulfilling God’s plan, and is therefore feared by the enemy and my flesh, but it (my flesh) must die. If my body is dead, I live with a numbness unexplanable. Yet I also live with a passion for Christ that I can’t feel in my physical body, but see in my heart, the part of me that can’t die. If I seem distant, know that this is my flesh dying and my mind unable to grasp what there is in the physical to live for. I live with no apparent regard for myself, but I want to show how much I truly care about you and the people around me. I want to reflect Christ’s love¬†without the barrier of your understanding of my motives. Sometimes that means saying hard things, but I would not say them unless I knew you needed to hear them, or I knew that you heard them the way God speaks and not the insufficient ways I communicate. I want to be like Jesus!!

Amalek->Who Am I?

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2 Responses to I’m back…but am I?

  1. flippedinsideout says:

    One time, back in Kansas, my youth pastor told us that some people are “so heavenly minded they’re no earthly good.” Even Paul exclaims in Philippians that “to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (v. 21) There are times that even Paul sometimes wondered what there was in this physical life to live for. I don’t have the answers for you as to what makes your physical life worth living to you. However, since you are alive I’m going to believe that you are breathing for a reason. If you don’t know what you’re living for ask God to show you what He’d have you do.

    I’m praying for you.

  2. mom says:

    The idea is to so die to your own fleshly desires that what life you have is completely the life of Christ lived through you. Gal 2:20 “I am crucified with Christ nevertheless I live; yet not I but Christ lives in me, and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God Who loved me and gave Himself for me.” In this, I have everything to live for! When God so fills me with His desires that I don’t care about my own, joy comes with living His life! And being “crucified” isn’t somber, it becomes glorious.

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