Year in Review

My eyes burn as I type this, so I don’t know how far I’ll get on this today.  With one month left in the year 2009, I find myself very reflexive and looking at the last 11 months with a critical eye.  As a preliminary assessment, I have to say that this past year has been terrible on a lot of levels.  My episodic madness gets worse as the days drag on.  I can’t think too long about things because so much flies through my head at once it’s just a blur and then gone.  This is not signs of depression, as some might think, but merely a sign of a struggle continuing in ernest.  A battle for sanity.  I have botched a lot of things, not given other things enough attention, buried myself in work to the point of losing myself in it.  Spun my wheels in an attempt to become more financially stable, only to find that the one thing it was all based on was cracked and rotting away, and had been for a long time.  I speak of my intention to earn a teaching degree.  I am barely better off than I was eleven months ago, even though I’ve worked full time for seven months.  All I have to show for it is the laptop I’m using now and a rented house that will further drain my resources for the next semester.  I have no idea whether I will be able to handle school full time and working at the same time, especially trying to learn a language.  A big difference from my original plan, which was to be in the teacher’s program taking one class and working full time, thus paying for my housing and the car I was going to buy last month.

On the blogging front, I have topics that I’ve put on hold for as long as six months. Topics that pile up in lieu of the time constraints working provides.  A post about stories in the Bible where God fought for His people, tying in “Battle Before Breakfast”, “Good, Bad, and the Ugly”, “Winning the Battle, Part 1″, and “HOTP Excerpt”.  A discussion of my thoughts on the tension between the biblical term “Predestined” and the idea of free will, exploring the context in which the word is used.  Looking at the idea of God’s glory from the jumpoff point of Moses on Mt Sinai asking God to show him His glory and continuing through the transfiguration and resurrection to the Faithful Rider on a white horse.  A look at Psalm 37.  A study into the nature of the eternal kingdom in eternal hearts.  A spiritual explanation on how shaky knees after running are by design.  And lastly and most recently- A Code of the Gentleman.

Nevertheless, there is a 90% chance I will get to none of these before the new year, considering the one bright spot of the past month.  I am writing fluidly again and have been averaging about a page a week.  I did some revisions of an earlier chapter during Thanksgiving weekend and I’m still very excited and driven to finish the chapter I’m working on by the end of the year.  If I can get on to the next chapter by Christmas, I might forget how the rest of my year has gone.  Now, I know you guys will spectulate on what I mean, but I am looking at the year overall, not individual circumstances so I’m not “hinting” about anything. Others will try to diagnose things, but I assure you I am only learning to roll with the punches, but this past year has been like a hard fist to the ribs, one after another.  I still walk gingerly.  In closing, this is an explanation of what is going on before you even begin to ask what is going down.  If you want to reach me, you’ll have to pry my fingers from these keys and bribe me with a very enticing offer.  In effect, the “Do Not Disturb” sign hands from my door.